We've gone mad

Theres nothin like human torture. We gasp and cringe when we hear of it in the news, see it for ourselves, read about it in the paper. But we eat it up when it comes in forms of entertainment. We cry when a mother loses a child or spouse in a movie, we cover our eyes at the love of being frightened and sickened by human entrails being ripped out of stomachs by disease ridden zombies, or knifed, shot or decapitated by another human, just like us.
The worst form of torture, is self doubt. Self guilt, worthlessness, low self esteem, indifference, nostalgia, passive aggressive self judgment, weakness, displeasure of the way we look, displeasure of the way our voices sound, displeasure in our worth.
And the worst part about this torture, is we let it happen.
Why. Theres so much more to life. Theres more than being left, and simmering in your own pity sauce. We should be embracing our burdens as blessings.
I never understood how bad things can happen to us, and we continue to hang on to it. It hurts. It hurts worse than any cheesy horror/drama/gore movie can depict. We can look at whats being acted, but we only feel what we feel for real.
No amount of reassurance from anybody will work. No comfort in having someone or something there, will amount to the reassurance you give yourself, for just being you. If you feel like death and sadness has taken a hold of you, there are ways to make it let go.
So much time and money is spent on cars, houses, luxuries. Things things things. And out of all of the bitching and moaning that money is the root of all evil, we still find ways to make love the most materialistic thing of all.
Its thrown around more than anything in this entire universe, and its thrown away twice as much.
When are we going to learn to love ourselves before we can learn to love or be loved by anyone else.
Im putting all of my money on never.



"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration."

-Pearl S buck.

Sometimes you just feel like shit

Yah, you know what I'm talking about. I'm super super low right now. I've been feeling so inadequate since Oct of last year. I've had spurts of happiness here and there. But nothing to make me feel complete. I know I don't need anyone or anything to make me complete. But some compliance from the rest of the world would be nice. Ive got my hobbies, my family, and one best friend to add on to that happiness. Ive got my paint, my books, and these words to fill that empty void, but it only last so long. Its like what animal blood as opposed to human blood is to vampires (nerdy Twilight reference)
But Im getting ahold of it. I just need to be able to go out and do something and feel a sense of worth. Only we can make that happen for ourselves. Do not let any one or anything dictate your own self value.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
-Mahatma Gandhi